XP's grandma passed away on the day of my grandma's birthday.. and i just read her blog entry.. was the saddest post i've ever read i guess.. and it definitely left me with some impact... i noe when someone u love so much suddenly leave u, is juz too hard to accept the fact or the turth... Though my grandma is still with me, but i dun share the closeness of wat xp has with her grandma.. i realli starting to doubt and question myself now.. izzt each time i refuse to care and show my concern and try to be close to her, is becoz i scare to face the day whereby she'll left me.. I dun sing to my popo like wat xp did.. i dun talk to her often or even look at her for even 1 hr each day... Yup.. many might say, how terrible or incorrigible granddaughter i am... always using projects, presentations, outings, tv programme as an excuse, to realli sit down side by side with my grandma spending time with her...

I nv know how to cherish...i always like to drive those people who realli cared for me away.. and i always refuse to go near, always putting up a tough look or a heck-care face to juz mask off wat i actually feel inside.. i'm not good with words, not good in expressing myself, sometimes i juz feel so useless tat, i'm feel like i'm better off dead or not exist in this world.. i noe there's still time for me to correct myself.. since my popo is still ard.. but i duno why, i always choose to run away.. choose to run away from seeing her gaping for air, seeing her needed to use that gray machine sitting at the end of the bed to help her breathe.. always refusing to sit right opposite her to have breakfast, lunch or even dinner with her.. i guess i'll juz breakdown when i see her not in a pink of health but in fragile health.. wat each time i can do was to pray for her in the silence nite.. juz hope she can stay with me for as long as she can... but i noe that's nv enuff.. i realli wish to be strong.. be strong for myself and for my family... i dun wish to always be the ostrich tat choose to run away all the time and hid myself in the dark tunnel or cave hoping that no one will see me...

Sometimes, i realli duno wat i'm scare of.. sometimes i guess, i juz give myself unneccessary stress that realli get myself under perform...i realli hope from the lesson i learn from xp.... i'll learn to be there for my popo and not regret...

Today external presentation.. kanna shot with tough questions.. nv expect it coming at all.. Mag did most of the answering.. i seriously damn stress and scare... darn.. Though Dr Koh is nice.. saying tat we still did pretty good.. but i dunno.. after hearing so much from the other lecturers abt the Prof.. i feel so dead.. why we so suay.. kanna such a tough woman... i juz hope she's lenient in her marks giving.. Arrgh... FYP sia.. cannot play play.. Pray hard for me.. and Lord, do hear my prayer...

I need to enjoy my holis...

Haven get over the new year mood... tmr comes the external presentation.. Woa.. How great...But once is done.. everything will be so gone and over and done with..YAY... but b4 the results are posted and release, i cant be too happy...I need a pass!!! This sem for me is realli the most retainable year.. I realli duno how to comment or say.. I juz need to pass and graduate!!!

Alrt.. after exams.. met up with my good old pals-> Sok and Shurong.. Brought ah rong to buy her army bag, zip locks and stuff at beach rd.. den went hunting for our new year clothes.. yup last min shopping ha...As usual going out with Shurong brings the rain haha.. And something worst... she did not brought the thunder.. but she brought us so much laughter that Sok and i had our face cramped while laughing at her very funny joke and actions haha.. She's always not with the same wavelength or frequency with Sok and I... Just the "Final Sales" thingy alone.. it can got me laugh till i wanna drop.. And then followed by her "kaya" thingy, just becoz Sok says she has butter fingers... Oh.. and her weird behaviour was not like her usual self.. coz she seldom has diff frequency with us.. but i think is her black bag curse... after she brought her black army bag at beach rd.. she go somewat ga-ga after tat haha...

After a long search.. sok gotten herself 3 tops and i miserably got myself onli one puma top.. and another for-fun Sponge Bob Tee haha.. And, poor shurong got herself nth for the new year... So Sok and I was like saying.. wat are u going to wear during New Year.. Is she gonna wear her black army bag and baja bag as her clothings haha... it was realli funny.. I hope she did got herself a top the nxt day... Anyhow.. Rong again brought us to eat a fabulous Korean Meal at millienum walk.. Filling and Cheap, service darn good too..It was realli NICEEEEE->Recommended haha And we'll planning so much for the coming slacking days b4 all of us officially start work or studying... I realli hope we can realli do it this time.. like camping out, food hunting and do other crazy and fun stuff tog... N say, u guys muz realli come visit me during my sad army days okie haha... I'll miss u all like crazy.. esp the food outside man.. I think my army life is so gonna be like a jailbird's =( But i seriously hope is not.. i juz hope is gonna be FUNNNN haha Oh.. i need to avoid Orange this year=(

P/s: Sorry Aud for ps-ing u again.. made u waited the whole entire nite and wasted so much money and time.. Realli realli sorry.... i seriously owe u alot for it... Really sorry=(

good luck for my external presentation and i need to run...

Alrt.. so gonna be posting up some random stuff again.. have been good, not getting too emo over some stuff.. But i realli wanna F*** the a*** peeps.. say wanna help me in the end still come back to the same conclusion->no guarantee.. so i also heck wat they say and go ahead with my Uni applications.. If i continue to wait for their "favourable" reply.. i guess i'll jolly well miss this year admission application for good... darn.. I realli super pissed off with their "efficiency". And i think i give myself a good name before i even enter the division lah.. Coz having me called them like almost 24/7... But i mean if they can settle things for me, i wont be an irritating bugger that keep calling and barking at them... Or perhaps is partly my fault too... i should have called them earlier in the month or year, b4 i decided to apply for uni... Watever.. i juz hope if the Uni accept me, i can get my leave and stuff...

For now juz hope my exam results will be good lah.. Not been studying man.. Procrastinating is wat i do best...I bet all my frens have completed all the chapters already.. and i'm still here...So dead, wasting my precious studying time away watching tv and blogging... Arrrrgh... i realli need some help in getting myself to even look at those notes and sit down infront of my studying table and study!!!Lord, do hear my pray.. get me to study.. last sem and i cant afford to retain!!!*Pray real real hard

Oh.. forgot to thank Dawn for her treat-> Ben and Jerry.. It was nice haha.. Thanks yea.. nxt time got pay le will treat u alrt.. tats a deal!!!=) Anyhow, yst was damn fun.. supposed to have db weights training yst.. den in the end was BB challenge haha.. wat can i say.. i think is more effective den weights training lah.. weights only train muscle but BB helps to train stamina, response as well as burning our fats haha but at the same time having lotsa fun.. it was realli good!!! I want to have more of it man... Into BB now.. cant wait to lay my hands on the Bball now... But i think i realli need to brush up my shooting skills... cannot shoot man.. is either air ball or over board haha... I onli can compliment myself for my snatching ball skills =X Last but not least, I hope everything will go on smoothly for all my test and exams in the upcoming week.. as well as my chinese new year and external presentation...

I need to get a haircut too desperately!!! Just cant wait for exams to be OVER!!!*ROAR

Helping my teammate to advertise this event:
If you think you can sing, dance or act, do consider to take part in te HI-DEF showtime! For more information go to: showtime.hdtv.org.sg. You may get the chance to win a HD TV or CASH!!

Formal internal presentation.. We love strips ha

I realli think this Neoprint machine darn cool... Worth the money..

Heh.. Surf and sweat... I wan to join individual event nxt year man...Fun!

Darn cool advertisement poster for the Ministry of waxing at Cathay.. They realli wax all parts of ur body for all target men and women...

Alrt.. Sun went for surf and sweat.. was a good event.. nxt year muz realli go join again.. coz they not onli got good goody bags.. you get to see babes and hunks haha... Anyhow.. i realli thank, sissy, big lung and khai for running the last stretch with me.. pushing me all the way.. i almost die-ed seriously haha.. but i think the run was not bad.. didnt manage to see the results though.. juz hope i didnt dragged Khai down too much coz we were a team... Hmmm yup.. joining this event made me skipped db training once more.. and heard from Cap Aud.. training was xiong.. i realli gonna be in deep shit once i return.. dun even noe if i can row at their pace sia.. Later got land training too.. hope i can still maintained the fitness level like my last training ha...Oh.. and i'm darn happy.. think my leg recover already.. though yst muay thai training during the kicking still may hurt abit... but at least i can still run... heh=)

Yup.. yst finally officially return to muay thai training.. coz shijie jio me back.. And i was actually thinking of ps-ing de lah.. darn tired after the presentation thingy.. But i guess i cant come out with good excuses to tell her so i went.. but it was good training man.. yst first training, shijie brought me to run xiong route.. den keep doing sets... punch and kick till i realli become jelly hands and legs... but at least i have her to train me.. if not u'll see me slacking there watching ppl train haha.. I realli very thankful to shijie man.. for taking the time and the darn heavy pad to train me.. THANKS!!! And seriously, i need to go back more often.. darn weak sia...i realli desperately need to train up my fitness...

Yst also heard a bad news... Cindy's elder sister pass away... was realli shocked, realli cant bring myself to believe wat i've heard alrt..so went to her wake after muay thai... on the way there was thinking alot.. thinking of wat i shld say to her later or what i can somewhat do for her.. Coz the pain of losing someone so dear to you forever, i think is realli unspeakable... And i realli feel tat i'm seriously so blessed... at least i've a heathy body, good bunch of nice people and friends around me... and most of all, not losing any of my family members... So falling out of love or losing someone you love to another is realli nth at all as compared to losing someone like your slibings or any of ur family members forever.. Coz when u lose/lost that someone u love to another, at least u are still able to laugh or cry to urself and say, hey, i can always find someone new... But if u lost that someone forever, can u ever tell urself that u can find another him/her to replace the place that he/she used to have in ur heart... Life is realli so unpredictable... ppl around you can juz leave you without a word... i muz realli learn to cherish the people around me... For now i hope Cindy will continue to stay strong, though it may not be easy...

And i guess for the most practical new year resolution... i juz hope i can live my life to the fullest everyday so i wont live in regrets!!!