Alrty... today's BTN paper sux again.. but mayb better than LSSS... i'm still able to answer.. but duno izzt the answer to the question is another big problem... damn.. i realli cant come to a conclusion of why the lecturers suddenly all setting difficult papers at our critical level...juz like trying to make us all repeat their modules or sth.. None of us wanna stay back or repeat another Sem yea.. and seeing their faces all over again and worst of all studying the module all over again... I juz so hope that the lord will be with me till i graduate.. I realli dun wanna repeat LSSS...*keeping my finger cross..

After the damn bloody paper.. Shilin tot of a song that best describe wat CYC had done to us with his killer paper.. Yup, the song she came out was Britney Spears - You drive me crazy haha... I totally agree with her alrt.. He realli drive us crazy with this test 2...
With the change of lyrics.. this song dedicated just for CYC and best describe how being his student feels...

CYC, We just cant stand you
You've got that oil skull, what can we do
CYC, you spin us around,
oh with the damn paper you set,
made us just can't feel the ground
Everytime you look at us
Our heart's jumpin, you DOM
Knowing you is jin jia lat
That's the only word i can used

You drive us crazy
We just can't sleep
You so excited
And we're in deep shit
Ohhh Crazy,
And it feels shitty
CYC ur paper keep us up all night

Juz hope tmr summit presentation will be a good one... And for now till Feb 15 i muz love my lecture notes!!! Study!!!



Omg.. if she's realli a lesbian... i hope to join the quene in chasing her haha

Alrt.. today was the worst day of my life.. Sat for the worst paper ever i muz say... writing rubbish and drawing rubbish diagrams.. damn screwed.. I juz hope i can pass lah seriously..dun wanna repeat this module.. arrrgh... juz hope God will give me one last miracle...*pray hard...3 marks question i also have difficulties answering.. and the 10 marks one even worst..It was realli sucky alrt...Those i nv study all came out... wat da **** Sigh.. i realli duno wats wrong with me.. Mayb last min studying for me dun work anymore.. Mayb i'm juz too old to remember all the facts that i should rmb when i juz studied for one time and not 2-3 times... And i duno why lately i damn tired.. once i rest my head on my beloved pillow i doze off almost immediately... is not tat my morning activities are that tiring... mayb i'm developing cancer... Anyhow finally completed our FYP summit.. at least another task down.. Now left internal and external interview cum ppt haven do.. Mon got BTN test 2, Tues: summit presentation and Wed: IL2 pract test though open book.. but KTY being so scheme, also duno wat he's up to..mayb he did drops hint.. but i wonder will it help much.. Juz hope is not as sucky as LSSS come out the things i nv study and predicted.. i think nowadays lecturers also get smarter.. student try to study smart by predicting their questions but they're also all so smart enuff to set questions that are all so unpredictatable.. damn bloody hell.. Last year already still dun wanna spare us... I realli cant wait to graduate!!!

Yst also damn suay.. got my ankle twisted and pulled my ligaments or izzt tandem.. tmr need to go back and visit Dr Ah Pek or Uncle again.. i realli hope he can faster get my leg fix.. coz i wanna run and climb and swim.. with this unfix ankle i feel so paralysed in someway.. This year i think not a very good start...Aud got her hp swimming in the toilet bowl and i've got so many suay things happening to me.. pls get this omen that is surrounding me away.. I need some LUCK!!!

Thanks Aud, Yi Qian and Xiao pang for dropping by my hse for supper... it has been a long long time since i've guests haha.. hope i'm a great host =).. And most importantly hope u guys enjoy the food.. Thanks for tolerating my small house too hee... Anyhow.. today's is the first db land training at Seng Kang.. It was of coz more convenient for most of us.. coz we're all Seng Kanger haha... And this help to cut cost and time too.. esp for transport and travel time... I hope there'll be better weights and equipment for us soon... Congrats to our new appoint female and male captain-> Audrey and Pk... realli glad to have them as our leader.. coz i think they're the ones with lotsa commitments in pulling the teams together through steamboats or runs... Continue to keep up the good job guys!!!


Mon went to company Jel took her Napfa.. she did well.. zai!!! Keep it up girl!!! After which saw Bernard (Ex council) running when we were on our way to Mac for dinner... Man.. he's damn fit and discipline lah.. run everyday sia.. if onli i have that discipline alrt.. i always not motivated when it comes to running alone.. I realli hope i can learn from him so i can become fitter b4 i go into army.. So Aizhi not onli gotto study hard but need to keep fit till the end of army!! Jia you!!!

Oh i would like to take this chance to apologise to Judy and Woei Chyi.. Sorry for the last min ps.. coz need to rush FYP report so didnt manage to meet u girls for movie -> The last dance.. Glad to hear that u girls enjoyed the show... realli sorry.. Do meet up SOON b4 i'm so GONE haha

Alrt.. back to Sun.. it was our very first sea training too.. after a damn long break and rest haha.. And yay finally.. we get to re-visit Mr Sun and also to row again.. Realli happy.. Hmmm however, Sun attendance was not realli terrific.. Andy (db co-ordinator) was not realli happy with it.. coz like onli 11 ppl turn up.. he expected like 20.. And coach was not there too.. But we've lotsa fun still i muz say ha... So.. Peter (Overall DB Captain) led us for our rowing.. i muz admit.. after a long time of pausing.. juz rowing one lap i felt breatheless already.. weak=x Den we row and row.. very relax and in btw doing some sets.. den after which Jas suggested then can we try being a Coxswain.. since today so little ppl and is our first training.. So i was like going->Oh yes... Coxswain coxswain.. coz since i learn rowing.. coxswain is one of the skill tat i wan to pick up beside being a rower... So Peter was like.. yea.. he also have that in mind.. so yay.. he taught us how to be a coxswain and give all of us a chance to do it.. I realli wish to try it once more.. i hasnt do my stirring haha... Anyhow.. it was a damn good experience.. coz u are standing behind navigating the boat and leading ur ppl to the destination...

After everyone had tried their rowing.. some of us decided to go for a dip haha.. And Peter is damn kind.. he agreed.. and one by one, we all jump into the sea... Khairu was the one damn fit.. he nv wear life vest haha.. den Peter dare us to swim all the way back from the middle of sea to the boat loading area.. so the five of us who jumped were like.. OK!!!... den some of us took out the life vests.. coz is damn irritating.. hindering the way u swim.. den we swim and swim and swim.. it was damn shiok..water so cooling and coz it made it up for my swimming session on Sat which i skipped for the open hse of NTU...Wah.. i think i learn to love swimming again.. though my confidence and speed still not quite there ha.. Nvm i'll train harder... So i think we swim for abt 125m or more..coz is abt one buoy away... it was my very first time to swim such a long dist in one shot.. *proud haha

Sat as i said.. went to NTU open hse for physics and mathematics department.. Their labs was darn cool.. lecturers were all very friendly.. however.. the buildings there all sama sama.. Shuwen, Shilin and I lost when we get there haha.. But lucky we still have a little street smart.. or perhaps we all took Geo.. so noe how to read maps and navigate and re-plan our direction haha.. Now i guess, we all juz hope to get into Uni and study the course that we want!!!

Before i forget.. i better apologise to Jel too.. didnt turn up on Sun to visit Weiyi.. coz thanks to CYC assignment 4.. got all of us killed for good.. so long assignment duno for wat.. and so difficult too sian.. I juz hope i wont get karma man.. Coz i feel that when i'm in camp nobody will rmb and visit me haha.. And i cant believe i actually tell my mama she muz come visit me.. if not i'll be damn sad haha.. And of coz my mama was like.. yea lah.. of coz go see you lah.. will take off and call home more often.. And i swear..at that point of time, i feel like as though i'm going into jail or sth and begging my mama to come visit me haha But my mama is always so nice.. =)

Those DB uncles all anxious in preparing me for my army.. during training they'll order me like wat army officers will do and make me do wat army guys need to do.. it was kinda fun lah being ard with them.. coz u get to learn a lot haha.. But they seems to be more kan chiong den i do man.. And i rmb one of them asking me scare anot.. going army liao.. I was like of coz.. coz it's gonna be 4 years for me.. And the thoughts of losing contact with my fellow frens is realli damn saddening.. Imagine i cant go food hunting with Sok, rong and siuling, and meet up with my sec skool pals like Cheow, Anna, Sok yin, Ruiping, Ally, Woei Chyi, Judy, Serene, Amelia and many many more.. i duno how my life is gonna be like... And i'm so gonna miss my db frens too.. they're like my third family after my Secondary skool pals... And of coz all my Ngee Ann's pals.. sigh sigh... I juz hope we all can still keep in contact for as long as we live=) How can i elaborate further.. for now.. i juz wish to cherish every moment we shared and once shared...
p/s: Shurong.. start saving up.. rmb our cast away plan and our backpacking trip haha.. Sok wanna join us?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I shouldnt love you and let the feeling take control of me...
I shouldnt see you instead i should turn and look away...
Each time i just fake and put on that bloody darn happy face...
And I dont know why i can put it up so well when i'm so not fine at all

I've told myself to make this feeling stop
Just so you know
This feelings taking control of me
And I cant help it
But am still sitting around, letting the one win
Thought you should know
Ive tried my best to let go
But i still wanna believe that we can be together

I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know
Its getting hard to be around you
Theres so much I cant say
Hiding the feelings and look the other way
And I'm scare that i might lose it all at once...
And Im wondering why Ive waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
Why am I waiting here...waiting here

And yay.. the news that i'm dying to hear has finally find its way into my ear... How great.. i'm so darn happy alrt... Yea.. she's gone for good.. thanks for telling me alrt, i appreciate it very very much... And i rmb i told Sok, Shurong, Aud and myself before that, once she's gone for good, i'll live to be a better person.. like someone who has had his/her cancer tumour removed and able to live a healthy life again..

Ha.. and guess what.. i'm ranting here, though i promise myself so much tat i wouldnt feel the pain or post any oh-so-depressing or pathetic kinda posting here.. But look.. what this bloody damn girl is doing rite now...I duno what i shld write or say.. i've already have a proper closure.. so Aizhi pls.. move on and get on with ur life.. forget abt those plans that you have long planned and wanted to carry out.. It's juz all so too late.. No point saying those words that you've left unsaid for so darn long.. It doesnt matter anymore.. coz she's juz gone... gone with the wind.. gone with the fire...

And stop asking urself those million questions that u'll nv get an answer for.. you've no one else to blame but urself.. Dun blame god for taking her away from you... Mayb she has once waited for you.. or mayb she juz dun feel the same way as u do through all this time..but..ultimately from the very beginning you didnt express or show any proper start.. so blame nobody but urself for letting chances to slip away again and again...Like what Big Lung and Jel says.. always prepare for the worst.. Well-said aint it.. But when it juz come to the worst can you handle it.. I tot all along i can... Coz to most ppl who noes me.. they'll see me as a garang, easy come and easy go person..someone who'll fight for wat she wants, juz go for it kinda person...And i duno where the hell that weak Aizhi come from.. and where's her fighting spirit gone to when it comes to loving someone..where is the easy come and easy go Aizhi... What can i say but to confess that, the real aizhi aint what everybody think she is.. she'll onli push alway what she wants and letting opportunities to pass her by.. and i muz admit.. i realli did a good job or shld i say an excellent job in pushing ppl away.. ppl i love... Alrt.. do i sound pathetic.. or not pathetic enuff.. I duno when will i start to learn to cherish every chances that i have got.. Anyhow.. i'm happy tat she's gone.. perhaps.. wats meant to be is just meant to be.. She's not gonna be mine.. The truth is always hard to accept.. but accept it like a man alrt, Aizhi! coz you've got nth to fight and win the battle.. The war is over and u lose for good.. Juz throw away all those plans that you have in mind or buried it behind the back of ur head...

Mayb for now, what i need is time.. time heals all pain aint it.. and i rmb, that was wat i always used to tell shurong and aud.. and yay.. this time, i using this phase for myself...And I'm not bleeding.. so I'll recover soon, i will...slp it away...

After weeks of training.. finally napfa is over!!! Relieved seriously... still happy with my results though i shld have train harder and achieve better grades.. but for now juz wanna be fit till my army bonds end..if not IPPT sure DIE... Anyhow.. thanks to all my frens out there who encourage me during the tests and supported me in a way or another!! Thank girls!!! Good job to all too yea!!!

Today have EPM job prep interview.. was not as scarely or as tough as i tot it mayb.. i think our lecturer kinda nice lah.. show leniency and giving us all valuable advises. Esp for me.. i think his experience and words of advice for me in the army is specially important and valuable.. coz he's telling me some survival skills i may need to undertake to survie haha.. if not.. like wat maggie and david say.. Aizhi will be so "HOLE-LY" after army ha.. And i may also become a crippled.. Janet also advise me to buy insurance b4 going into army..so ppl out there.. do pray for me more often. may i be in one piece till my last breathe haha

Okie.. this few weeks will be another killer week... assignments and FYP and Exams.. No mood for Chinese New Year man... coz when CNY is near.. it means i'm gonna be packing up soon for tekong.. And yup.. i'm starting to cherish my time with my family... And.. i dun think i can go back muay thai any sooner.. damn.. ps my sijie lotsa time already.. i think she juz gonna hate me so much... arrgh..

Many have came to ask me about wat i'm going to do in my future... and i'm tired of answering.. and my cousins are not exceptional.. they are all so interested to know what my future life is gonna be and how i'm gonna live it... But seriously.. one cannot predict wat one cannot forsee rite aha but long ago i have already drawn out my what-to-do-plan in my future life... But is juz a matter of able to fulfilling it or achieving it lah.

Anw, in my what-to-do-in-the-future plan of coz my first priority will be earning lotsa money.. which means i need to save a lot and also get high paid stable jobs...Coz i wish to have my own transport, shophouse, and perhaps a wife And, with lotsa money in hand, i would like to go backpacking every 2 years with my mountain bike and try out all the extreme activities like water rafting, caving, sky diving, parachuting, base jumping, water skiing, cable ski. I would like to cast away in some ulu ulu island (not St john or pulau Ubin, but those island like Survivor show e.g cook island or exile island) with my frens or beloved. I would like to continue trekking or mountain climbing...having a chance to venture Mt Everest, Mt Vinson, Kanchenjunga and of coz those small mountains in SEA...I would like to lease a row of vines in Europe. So whenever, i travel across the world, i can collect those grapes i've planted and harvest them and prepare my very own labelled or signature wine for my frens and family. I wish to retire early too... but my cousin told me is almost impossible... but nvm.. b4 i get too old.. by age 45 or perhaps earlier, i wish to buy and owe a farm house in Aust for my retirement. If i realli cant afford, den perhaps i'll buy myself a bungalow or sth or i shall stay in my shophouse. But to me.. it is important to get to spend the rest of my life with the girl i love... coz i think she'll be the one that make sense to my life and juz makes everything in my life worthwhile. i just wanted to do so much things with her though i can do it alone or with my pals...but is juz a diff kind of feeling ha...though i cant swim well, but i'll still go sailing across the ocean with her, diving and hunting for corals or stingray with her and just be there for her through every sunset and sunrise. But i aint tat sticky type that will stick to my wife 24.7. juz wanna grow old with her and have sweet memories together.

But, after my cousin has actually hear my tots... she juz aint realli convince... i guess.. she thinks that my plans are too much of a fairy tales ha.. or she thinks that i'm haywire in someway or another..but i realli yearn for my plans to come true.. so for now.. they're my motivation to each step of my success.

The "WANTED"

Guns and bombs for sale!!!

I love my scar..

Miss bomber!!!

Terrorists Attack!!!

Our talent!!!

The Eraser Game... A game that can tell you your mood of the day haha


Alrt.. i'm more relieve now. At least most presentations are over and done with.. Now left only with FYP and upcoming exam.. Den yay.. GRADUATE... But am not looking forward though.. coz one graduate, you got to think of ya nxt pathway to undertake. To either establish a career or further studies.. And poly students getting into a local Uni is kinda hard.. moreafter we're actually competing with those Dragon year babies.. And best of all, my grades aint tat fantastic.. duno how realli... Though many may say i stil have Army to fall back on as my future career after graduate.. but i duno if i'm realli cut for it lah... And i duno izzt the job tat i realli want.. Even further studies is posing another headache for me.. Coz you've to choose the course tat you want.. And so much so i wanted to continue with Science related courses, but as i said earlier, you're competing with so many other outstanding poly cum jc students.. and the place is so darn limited.. So for now i realli feel tat i'm juz gonna be ending up in army no matter wat... And business courses are my weakness and i'm not cut for mechanical stuff though i'm very rough haha... Psychology duno can choose or not, coz i didnt have A maths... Arrgh.. duno izzt my sec skool ruining me or wat.. giving us lousy combination and subjects...

Hmmm wat can i say.. most of my frens all have their future route well-planned. Many wanted to switch field, and some going overseas for further studies while others will be working first den study and some gonna start working for life..Haiz.. i'm still like very very not sure.. For now.. i'm juz gonna try my admission into NTU.. if i cant get in.. of coz gonna be in army to serve finish my "very long" 4 years bond. den perhaps i'll get out and go for further studies in my related course of studies or mayb switch field...So for now.. juz hope my life goes according to plan.. coz in the pace we're living our life.. things juz changes in the blink of an eye. So i juz hope i wont be detached from the rest of the world when i'm caught up inside army...



Oh.. and the army have send me a letter already... seriously it was the very last thing tat i wanna received.. but yea.. you've gotto face the hard facts and the truth in life.. no matter wat.. i muz complete my bond.. die or alive.. i shall finish it with pride haha ok crap


Fri went climbing with the tas peeps.. and shurong joined us.. of coz.. first timer.. she's damn good already.. her arm power is like WAHHHHHH... coz she's the one and only one female who can do pull-up.. zai rite... and all of us feel tat.. once shurong learn her technique.. she can joins the national already haha... And after the long fun climb.. home sweet home.. but b4 tat rong and i went to eat.. coz we'll dead hungry.. so went to our fav hougang Kopitiam there to eat.. Yum... and can u believe it.. have our dinner actually at 0000... den we sat there chatting till like 0045.. catch the last bus which is 80 home.. and wat can i say.. it was a tiring but fun day ha


Yst went for the NTU talk at suntec and den went for Inter-con run at TP there.. Saw Khai.. he's representing his cc too.. And wat can i say.. all the runners all damn pro... 5.7K finish in 17 min plus for the first man in the men open.. super competitive for the guys i muz say...all duper fast.. duno how they run also.. Aud and Me were made to run for the women open.. both of us so wish to ps lah.. coz we cant run for nuts... but we still went down... it was a lousy run for me... 4.9k took me 25:40 to finish...super weak... even aunty run faster den me.... can die.. i realli muz run regularly already.. cannot take it... moreafter napfa is on this coming wed.. if i dun run on mon.. i juz gonna die like nobody business during napfa.. so Aizhi train hard!!!! Army is calling me to report on 1 march.. duno the camp yet and duno will i be posted to tekong or stay in singapore.. so now.. i realli gotto buck up in my physical... Aud did a good run... slow and steady win the race... And thanks for comforting me with ur words.. saying not enuff slp tats why ran slow haha.. but i think i seriously too weak le.. tats why aunty can also win me.. Muz realli work on my endurance and maintainence as well as my weak mental!!! Oh thanks Aud for ur wonderful idea too yea haha.. guess mon i'll go purchase the necessary materials to faster do it up!!! And do organise another Steamboat during CHINESE NEW YEAR.. Sigh.. it was a pity that training cancel today... The wonderful lie i tot it up for Aud is wasted.. but mayb u can take this day to meet her haha..


Why must life lessons and bad experience be taught and learn this way...
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

haiya... juz 4 more weeks to go and i'll be gone.. away from Ngee Ann for good.. How great.. But at this point of time.. i realli feel like dying lah.. Is like one of my fren's msn: Love doesnt kill, it just hurts you deep enough to die.. And this statement can be changed to suit the terrible state i'm in now->Assignments and Projects doesnt kill, it just stress you deep enough to die... Yup.. till now, i still cant come to understand why the school just so want to cut short the skool term and still giving us so much things to do, to learn.. Arrrghhhh i seriously need a break... Perhaps is the bad time management i have.. i seriously hate the life rite now.. it realli sucks.. thinking of the resume, the ppt i yet to complete.. Omg.. IS modules seriously sux to the core for me now.. though i may enjoy the lessons.. Damn!!!! This week is gonna be a killer for good.. Tmr will be another day without sleep.. I guess wed too..

And worst of all.. my brain is starting to wander off again.. wandering of things tat i shld have long gotten over and done with.. wat a year to start alrt.. is like onli Jan.. i cant imagine the rest of my days or months.. Juz hope things can get better with work, away from work or with you, away from you... I juz need to run away for now.. though not far.. at least i can sleep it all away for now..

For a better tmr and tmr and tmr.. cheers

By Macy Gray - I try
Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together, but we're not

I play it off but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front, just a front

I play it off but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
- My confession-

Sian tmr skool will be starting again.. and guess wat.. though there's like 2 weeks of break for us to complete our assignments and projects, i didnt complete most... arrrgh.. and here i'm going to whinned abt how much stuff i have yet to do.. damn.. N i muz say.. for the past few weeks i have not been exercising.. guess tats the reason why i'm suffering from a bad flu rite now.. my ab are not working, think they not fit already coz nv exercise.. and the oranges i add for vitamin C dun seems to help either.. mama and papa are feeding me with funny medicine again.. coz i think they find me "ha choo-ing" ard the house pretty irritating.. coz i'm like spreading my virus all over the place ha...

Ps PK twice for swimming session already.. realli sorry pal... my nose juz couldnt zhen diao qi.. lousy nose and ab i have ha... Tmr will be an important day for me.. i juz hope i can get it thru smoothly and not be over anxious and nervous... jia you Aizhi haha Oh and lord pls dun let it rain thank you...

Alrt.. the two weeks of holi had been great.. spend most of my times with my beloved frens... Thanks for the birthday celebration you guys have prepared for me.. u guys shld noe who u are.. I realli appreciate it very very very much.. thanks for the time, the money for all the presents u guys had gotten for me.. some still hand-make->thanks Big Lung.. (you'll get it from me soon!!!) Sok thank you too.. thanks for planning to bake tiramisu for me but didnt.. and bluff me tat u not meeting us but came down after a tiring project discussion.. i realli realli appreciate it.. you're da best ha... And bake me a cake to eat soon.. if not you'll be wasting ur baking talent away.. coz u noe i'll appreciate it more than anybody else..wahaha *p/s: dun be touched.. u noe the ultimate reason is that i juz wan to eat. Oops=x

Alrt, on my birthday supposed to go blood donation at Tamp... den we'll all late for the drive.. damn sad lah... Siuling late.. den we took the wrong bus.. the bus brought us touring ard north, east and south of Tamp but not west.. damn idiot.. den shurong and i stupidly sitting inside the bus asking each other.. do u find this place familiar? and our bus happily loops back to the interchange again..how great.. den we took another round that finally brought us to the community center..we did not give up any hope.. chiong all da way to the community center to see if the donation drive is still going on.. saw ppl in orange walking ard the hall way.. rong and i look at each other->wah they are still ard.. happy.. we actually climb over the fence, without thinking that we can actually go up by the stairs..and shurong was stuck for a moment coz of her tight fitting jean haha Yay finish our spiderman stunts, sadness pour upon our faces.. coz the ppl are actually clearing and packing up already.. sian ar... den we walk down the stairs which was juz beside the bloody fence... and those kids who saw us climbing over the fence shld be thinking tat we're crazy or sth.. climbing over the fence for fun or nth.. acting cool or wat coz the stairs is like juz beside.. think we're realli too blind.. nonetheless we enjoy the climb haha