Thanks Aud, Yi Qian and Xiao pang for dropping by my hse for supper... it has been a long long time since i've guests haha.. hope i'm a great host =).. And most importantly hope u guys enjoy the food.. Thanks for tolerating my small house too hee... Anyhow.. today's is the first db land training at Seng Kang.. It was of coz more convenient for most of us.. coz we're all Seng Kanger haha... And this help to cut cost and time too.. esp for transport and travel time... I hope there'll be better weights and equipment for us soon... Congrats to our new appoint female and male captain-> Audrey and Pk... realli glad to have them as our leader.. coz i think they're the ones with lotsa commitments in pulling the teams together through steamboats or runs... Continue to keep up the good job guys!!!


Mon went to company Jel took her Napfa.. she did well.. zai!!! Keep it up girl!!! After which saw Bernard (Ex council) running when we were on our way to Mac for dinner... Man.. he's damn fit and discipline lah.. run everyday sia.. if onli i have that discipline alrt.. i always not motivated when it comes to running alone.. I realli hope i can learn from him so i can become fitter b4 i go into army.. So Aizhi not onli gotto study hard but need to keep fit till the end of army!! Jia you!!!

Oh i would like to take this chance to apologise to Judy and Woei Chyi.. Sorry for the last min ps.. coz need to rush FYP report so didnt manage to meet u girls for movie -> The last dance.. Glad to hear that u girls enjoyed the show... realli sorry.. Do meet up SOON b4 i'm so GONE haha

Alrt.. back to Sun.. it was our very first sea training too.. after a damn long break and rest haha.. And yay finally.. we get to re-visit Mr Sun and also to row again.. Realli happy.. Hmmm however, Sun attendance was not realli terrific.. Andy (db co-ordinator) was not realli happy with it.. coz like onli 11 ppl turn up.. he expected like 20.. And coach was not there too.. But we've lotsa fun still i muz say ha... So.. Peter (Overall DB Captain) led us for our rowing.. i muz admit.. after a long time of pausing.. juz rowing one lap i felt breatheless already.. weak=x Den we row and row.. very relax and in btw doing some sets.. den after which Jas suggested then can we try being a Coxswain.. since today so little ppl and is our first training.. So i was like going->Oh yes... Coxswain coxswain.. coz since i learn rowing.. coxswain is one of the skill tat i wan to pick up beside being a rower... So Peter was like.. yea.. he also have that in mind.. so yay.. he taught us how to be a coxswain and give all of us a chance to do it.. I realli wish to try it once more.. i hasnt do my stirring haha... Anyhow.. it was a damn good experience.. coz u are standing behind navigating the boat and leading ur ppl to the destination...

After everyone had tried their rowing.. some of us decided to go for a dip haha.. And Peter is damn kind.. he agreed.. and one by one, we all jump into the sea... Khairu was the one damn fit.. he nv wear life vest haha.. den Peter dare us to swim all the way back from the middle of sea to the boat loading area.. so the five of us who jumped were like.. OK!!!... den some of us took out the life vests.. coz is damn irritating.. hindering the way u swim.. den we swim and swim and swim.. it was damn shiok..water so cooling and coz it made it up for my swimming session on Sat which i skipped for the open hse of NTU...Wah.. i think i learn to love swimming again.. though my confidence and speed still not quite there ha.. Nvm i'll train harder... So i think we swim for abt 125m or more..coz is abt one buoy away... it was my very first time to swim such a long dist in one shot.. *proud haha

Sat as i said.. went to NTU open hse for physics and mathematics department.. Their labs was darn cool.. lecturers were all very friendly.. however.. the buildings there all sama sama.. Shuwen, Shilin and I lost when we get there haha.. But lucky we still have a little street smart.. or perhaps we all took Geo.. so noe how to read maps and navigate and re-plan our direction haha.. Now i guess, we all juz hope to get into Uni and study the course that we want!!!

Before i forget.. i better apologise to Jel too.. didnt turn up on Sun to visit Weiyi.. coz thanks to CYC assignment 4.. got all of us killed for good.. so long assignment duno for wat.. and so difficult too sian.. I juz hope i wont get karma man.. Coz i feel that when i'm in camp nobody will rmb and visit me haha.. And i cant believe i actually tell my mama she muz come visit me.. if not i'll be damn sad haha.. And of coz my mama was like.. yea lah.. of coz go see you lah.. will take off and call home more often.. And i swear..at that point of time, i feel like as though i'm going into jail or sth and begging my mama to come visit me haha But my mama is always so nice.. =)

Those DB uncles all anxious in preparing me for my army.. during training they'll order me like wat army officers will do and make me do wat army guys need to do.. it was kinda fun lah being ard with them.. coz u get to learn a lot haha.. But they seems to be more kan chiong den i do man.. And i rmb one of them asking me scare anot.. going army liao.. I was like of coz.. coz it's gonna be 4 years for me.. And the thoughts of losing contact with my fellow frens is realli damn saddening.. Imagine i cant go food hunting with Sok, rong and siuling, and meet up with my sec skool pals like Cheow, Anna, Sok yin, Ruiping, Ally, Woei Chyi, Judy, Serene, Amelia and many many more.. i duno how my life is gonna be like... And i'm so gonna miss my db frens too.. they're like my third family after my Secondary skool pals... And of coz all my Ngee Ann's pals.. sigh sigh... I juz hope we all can still keep in contact for as long as we live=) How can i elaborate further.. for now.. i juz wish to cherish every moment we shared and once shared...
p/s: Shurong.. start saving up.. rmb our cast away plan and our backpacking trip haha.. Sok wanna join us?
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I shouldnt love you and let the feeling take control of me...
I shouldnt see you instead i should turn and look away...
Each time i just fake and put on that bloody darn happy face...
And I dont know why i can put it up so well when i'm so not fine at all

I've told myself to make this feeling stop
Just so you know
This feelings taking control of me
And I cant help it
But am still sitting around, letting the one win
Thought you should know
Ive tried my best to let go
But i still wanna believe that we can be together

I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know
Its getting hard to be around you
Theres so much I cant say
Hiding the feelings and look the other way
And I'm scare that i might lose it all at once...
And Im wondering why Ive waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
Why am I waiting here...waiting here

And yay.. the news that i'm dying to hear has finally find its way into my ear... How great.. i'm so darn happy alrt... Yea.. she's gone for good.. thanks for telling me alrt, i appreciate it very very much... And i rmb i told Sok, Shurong, Aud and myself before that, once she's gone for good, i'll live to be a better person.. like someone who has had his/her cancer tumour removed and able to live a healthy life again..

Ha.. and guess what.. i'm ranting here, though i promise myself so much tat i wouldnt feel the pain or post any oh-so-depressing or pathetic kinda posting here.. But look.. what this bloody damn girl is doing rite now...I duno what i shld write or say.. i've already have a proper closure.. so Aizhi pls.. move on and get on with ur life.. forget abt those plans that you have long planned and wanted to carry out.. It's juz all so too late.. No point saying those words that you've left unsaid for so darn long.. It doesnt matter anymore.. coz she's juz gone... gone with the wind.. gone with the fire...

And stop asking urself those million questions that u'll nv get an answer for.. you've no one else to blame but urself.. Dun blame god for taking her away from you... Mayb she has once waited for you.. or mayb she juz dun feel the same way as u do through all this time..but..ultimately from the very beginning you didnt express or show any proper start.. so blame nobody but urself for letting chances to slip away again and again...Like what Big Lung and Jel says.. always prepare for the worst.. Well-said aint it.. But when it juz come to the worst can you handle it.. I tot all along i can... Coz to most ppl who noes me.. they'll see me as a garang, easy come and easy go person..someone who'll fight for wat she wants, juz go for it kinda person...And i duno where the hell that weak Aizhi come from.. and where's her fighting spirit gone to when it comes to loving someone..where is the easy come and easy go Aizhi... What can i say but to confess that, the real aizhi aint what everybody think she is.. she'll onli push alway what she wants and letting opportunities to pass her by.. and i muz admit.. i realli did a good job or shld i say an excellent job in pushing ppl away.. ppl i love... Alrt.. do i sound pathetic.. or not pathetic enuff.. I duno when will i start to learn to cherish every chances that i have got.. Anyhow.. i'm happy tat she's gone.. perhaps.. wats meant to be is just meant to be.. She's not gonna be mine.. The truth is always hard to accept.. but accept it like a man alrt, Aizhi! coz you've got nth to fight and win the battle.. The war is over and u lose for good.. Juz throw away all those plans that you have in mind or buried it behind the back of ur head...

Mayb for now, what i need is time.. time heals all pain aint it.. and i rmb, that was wat i always used to tell shurong and aud.. and yay.. this time, i using this phase for myself...And I'm not bleeding.. so I'll recover soon, i will...slp it away...