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♥ Lessons to learn and Remember

Tuesday, September 06, 2005
rumbles & whines posted at 08:22

yup yup.. is me again... am procrastination again.. why????? guess all my frens shld be mugging real hard right now.. but why am i still doing online... damn damn... I'm feeling realli guilty.. but am not taking any action.. whats wrong with me... always like to procrastinate... sux sux sux...

Juz now met up with Maggie, shuwen, shilin and Irene to revise maths... in the end onli did a few question and did some clarification of some question with Maggie, den head off to eat.. Went Aal-ameen there to have lunch... have curry fish head, milo dinosaur, kang kong and sweet and sour chicken.. yum yum... realli damn full after finish eating.. also added a few pounds i guess... later wanna go run.. coz i realli cant study anymore.. damn chiam and jia lat... i duno how am i going to pass thru this exam period..

Soooo many things to study... and i'm a bloody slow learner.. take very long to understand something.. sigh.. sian-sation... I hate exam... Yst was suppose to be a happy day and study day for me.. in the end, it was spoilt... spoilt by my dad... papa and mama get into some quarrel.. papa started to hit mama... damn it.. i hate man that hit woman.. den went out from my room, to stop the fight tat was going on.. seeing my mama crying, i was seriously in pain... i duno wat to do.. protect her from anymore beating from my dad is the onli thing i can do... tears juz came rolling down... frens may seems tat i'm fine today.. but who would like to share this kind of bad scene happening at home...

I realli dun understand, why cant my dad juz tok it out with my mama slowly... violence is not the ans.. n i swear.. if ever, he hit my mum again.. i'm gonna fight it all out with him... no matter what... Not tat i dun love ya anymore.. but the way, u treating mama, isnt the way it shld be.. n i hated it... i hated it... u made me cant concentrate in my studies.. even i have problem sleeping at nite.. for fear, tat u'll hit mama again... i purposely stay up so late yst.. juz to make sure mama is safe... for now, i still hated u.. hated what u did yst.. coz is gonna be on my mind till forever, n i doubt i'll ever forget...

Grandma is oso sadded by the scene happen yst... u sux completely... nv tot of other ppl feelings, juz do the thing tat u tot it was right.. i dun wish to report whatever happen in the house to the police one day... n i swear... i'll do it, if u ever touch mama again... i'm totally drained.. why cant i have a perfect family like all my frens... why cant u juz give me a peace of mind.. give me a happy family in my process of growing up... Why muz u ruin it all juz in one day...

I'm sad, i'm hurt... i dun even noe, how to face u now.. when i see u.. it juz reminds me of the way u treated mama.. n it reminds me to hate u... i sign up for army... was not my dream... juz becoz it could help to lessen the household burden.. i go all out for it, to get the sponsorship no matter wat... all that i do.. was to, not let u down.. studies.. trying to do as well as i can to prove to u, i can give u a better life nxt time.. again.. all tat i do, was with the tots of u in my mind.. i realli do respect ya.. but u ruin it out... so what if u're right.. all i see was all ya flaws and ya gruesome acts... Aarrgrggh... i need some air!!!

Runaway--
Protagonist

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