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♥ Lessons to learn and Remember

Sunday, August 21, 2005
rumbles & whines posted at 15:00

I realli have to sincerely apologise to all my 30th Councils... sorry for losing my cool infront of you guys.. i noe, i should have swallow all of my unhappiness and stress and not showing it out.. but i just cant help it alrt.. sorry... I promise to learn to control and not flare up so easily... still learning...still trying hard...

Somehow, i noe, apology may not cover up all the mistakes or unhappiness that i have cause after the trip... i know u guys are even tired and drained out den me... but u guys still put on a happy face.. sorry tat i cant do it... the stress level is building up so high up inside me... i feel so hard to breathe...cant take it anymore... i noe is all my fault.. poor time management, poor stress management... n all i can do is to give the kick-ass face and freaking darn attitude to u guys.. am realli sorrry... Thanx guys for all the understanding n help tat u've gave to me.. thanx.. i juz have to learn to be more sensitive to other ppl feelings.. n i'll try hard to learn from my mistake..

But i realli think, this trip is a realli good one... members and councils enjoy it so much... all nicely tanned left only me.. white and pale like some freaking zombies... how i wish i was there too... have miss out all the fun over there...hope i get a chance to go there.. after i get myself a bike like Auf.. or better ones, like Jel's fren--> Alan's bic... alrt.. seems tat i'm dreaming too much...

On my way home, in the 156 bus, air-con was so freaking hell cold, that i've somehow loses all my senses.. but it realli cools and calm me down.. in the way that, i dun feel the stress level there anymore.. guess, at the moment, my brain has already been freeze up... not thinking and working anymore.. feel like i'm so far from reality, in a cold, isolated country... feels cool.. but empty... This sem... too warm up for me... so warm n heaty tat it actually killing me, like i've been thrown into a 100 degree isolated desert... time for each day juz seems passing by so quickly.. so quick tat i dun even noe, did i miss taking a single Breath or did my heartbeat ever stop beating for a single seconds... rush rush and rush...(Will time juz stay still for me, not asking for more.. juz a sec.. will u??)

Finally finish up my speech... feel my shoulder lighter of a load.. but seeing my organiser.. there's so much more things i need to do... realli gotto buck up... i realli feel tat i'm lagging so so so far behind... TASIC first PT this wed... i dun even noe, if i can put up a good show... sigh... I feel like such a damn freaking failure... not good in watever i do... realli feel tat, i'm a burden to the club.. HELL!!!
To Khai: I think u'll have a hard time working with me.. thanx for always being so nice... if u cant stand me, juz tell straight into my face.. i can take it haha coz i noe, i have cause ya lotsa trouble...n i noe my damn freaking shitty attitude.. u've gotto put up with me yea.. sorry.. i noe i'm not a good working partner, but i'll try realli hard to match up with ya... hope our first PT will goes well...cheers
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